You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
