thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I AM VODKA MAN
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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