I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
