Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize