and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
