i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
