you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
