I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
