it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
