Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
