I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
