Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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