I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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