Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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