i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
