I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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