You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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