I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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