the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
