I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
