People in love make me want to vomit
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
