He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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