You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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