If that was your dad, he is hot
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
