Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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