I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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