cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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