I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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