Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
These tits shall not be calmed
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