Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
