Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
