Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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