I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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