Pants 0. Shit 1.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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