i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
