i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
