Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
