Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
