where am i from again
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Shame - the story of my life.
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