He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
