If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
