I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
