It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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