didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
