The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
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someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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