I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
