no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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