Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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