Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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