He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
