Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
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I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize