Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
