i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
