Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Randomize
