The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
