worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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