the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
