is your mom at the bar?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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