Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
