Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize