I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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