their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
