One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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