He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
