a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
