Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
