some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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